Hey. Does anyone know when Father's Day is?

I feel bad for Dads on Father's Day. It's doesn't even come close to getting the kind of press Mother's Day does. The commercials are fewer and never anything elaborate. Usually just a nondescript white dude playing catch with a nondescript kid, or of I am watching maybe a cable station they might have a black guy shooting hoops with his black sons. Or something worse.

Mother's Day commercials start months in advance and are tearful and beautiful.

                             (I almost cried after watching this one and I'm not even a mother)


I understand Mother's Day is a huge money making holiday so they wanna get as much out of you as possible. But Father's Day.... we could kind of take it or leave it.
Even when I had a father, I didn't give it too much thought.

My father left us when I was 19. He left both me and my mother. And I understood, at the time. Or at least I thought I understood. I didn't know how much his leaving was and would continue to affect me until much later.  I was 19. In my mind, I was "grown".

 I looked at my dad as practically a piece of furniture. He was part of the living room set. He was old fashion and set in his "old school" ways. He used to tell us, "Don't do as I do. Do as I say". What kind of back -ass, horrible parenting, B.S was that? His bark was bigger than his bite though. He was really just a pushover and was easily "pushed-over". I was a fast talker with a quick and sharp tongue and I had been told many times to "watch my tone", and I knew that meant I was treading on thin ice.

But I knew if I asked him something in a quick manner during the right time, he would agree to just about anything to get me to leave him alone. I mean, after all he was the "Man of the House" right?  What ever he says... goes.  He brought home his paycheck and handed it over to the "Warden".  I knew after the hundredth time he told me to "Go ask your mother", that he was NOT the one in charge.
 If we wanted to go anywhere, wanted to do anything, or needed money for something we asked Mommy. I understood how it worked. Daddy had made the mistake of giving permission to something he half listened to and had to hear about it later, when he found out the "Warden" had already said, "NO."  (that was how the "Go Ask Your Mother" - Bill was put into effect)

My father was a great guy. Everyone loved him. He was funny and fun. He was silly but cool. He made everyone feel comfortable to be around him. He was a straight up, "nice-guy". He wanted, like all dads, the best for his kids. He had two daughters so he also kept a eye out for the enemy (boyfriends).

But like I mentioned earlier he left us.
He didn't go out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back (he didn't smoke)
He didn't get drunk and beat us or go to jail. (he didn't drink)
He didn't fall in love with his secretary and run away with her and start a new family just to forget about his old one. (he didn't have a secretary)

He died.

But like I mentioned earlier I understood. It wasn't his fault. He got sick and he died. I was 19. I wasn't a kid, I was "grown". (Or so I thought)

I figured by 19 I had enough fatherly training, I mean what else could he tell me that I didn't already know? Plus, I still had my Mother and she ,pretty much, ran the show. (the Warden)
She can tell me about boys and men.
My girlfriends, we talk about guys all the time. We tell each other to be careful and not to trust them or not to give up the "goods" too soon.
We tell each other what we saw (or what we think we saw, same thing right?), or what we heard (at least what we heard someone else say that they might have heard).
And we know men! At least we say we do. How many times have you heard a woman say, "He's not a Man, at least not a Real Man"? I have heard it plenty of times. I have probably even said it a few times myself.

But just recently, my oldest and dearest male friend (I've known Raoul for 30 yrs) was visiting me and asked me this question:

        "How can a women say that someone is NOT a man or NOT a REAL man?"


  I didn't even hesitate. I listed all the reasons why I thought women had the right to define men.
(don't worry... i won't list them but if you pause for a second and just listen I bet you can hear me listing them off in your head)

Raoul's question stayed with me. And still does. I don't want to have to define a man. That's not my job or my place.
It doesn't matter if I am a single mother, or a widow, or girl without a father. I am a woman not a man and I can strive to be the most incredible woman possible but I can never be a man. (unless I go through the Chaz Bono transformation but that's a serious commitment and I'm just trying to make a point not a life change.... but you know what I mean)


So, I guess what I'm saying is... if you are like me and are missing an important male figure in your life, you don't have to, "Be" the man, just find the right man (or men. it takes a village, and that village if filled with women and men) that fits in the space. Don't force it. It should just easily slide right in. (that's what she said..... (sorry I couldn't stop myself)  )

I am dedicating this blog to ALL the men out there. The "real" ones and the rest. I am letting you off the hook. I will let you define yourselves.

I am reaching out and telling you that we NEED you!

I had a GREAT father for 19 years and it wasn't long enough. I will ALWAYS need a man in my life because...  apparently I'm not one.

Lucky for me I have quite a few AMAZING ones and I have even chosen one that I think will make the most INCREDIBLE father. (I already know he makes the most incredible husband)

Hey fellas, just know that you are needed and that you are so loved. Father's Day and every day!
and that's what....

NEENIE SAYS...

                                                         I Love You, Daddy!